I've shared a little about JD, so now here is a little about Xander. Xander is a really good kid with a lot of respect for the rules. He is really smart and really nice and really quirky. And like JD, occasionally he is a bit dramatic and will make comments under his breath like, "this is the worst day of my life" and "just keep on hating me!"
I had a happy, light-hearted post planned for today, but after about the 8th time I said I was really upset about what I am instead going to talk about, Jaron suggested I write on it, adding that maybe it would be therapeutic (translation: hopefully you'll stop whining about it :)). The process has been therapeutic. Thank you, Jar.
When Emmitt was born, the angels rejoiced. Or at least in my head they did, but actually what I was going to say, was that the morning after he was born he went to the NICU and spent about 36 hours there for issues with hypoglycemia. When we went home from the hospital, E's pediatrician wanted us to record his input and output. So I started putting this information in the Notes app on my iPhone. Even after the doctor said we could stop, I continued recording info about his feedings, because I was trying to get the hang of breastfeeding and then it also became a great platform for my obsessive compulsive tendencies and I added info about what E was doing, how he was sleeping, new skills he acquired, questions I had for his doctor or other moms, etc. I know it sounds silly, but it has become my mom security blanket. Well, I won't go into all the details, but when I plugged it into our computer the other day to upload some photos, something bad happened and I lost a chunk of these notes. Check out my sad face.
I wanted to torch my iPhone, iCloud, and any other i thing that caused me to have the worst day of my life! Wow and and I'm talking about my nephews being dramatic... "Hi Kettle, it's me, the Pot. You're black." No, I'm absolutely not having the worst day of my life. In fact, I am fairly certain these will be many of the very best days of my life. And although I'm sure this all sounds so ridiculous, this is why I felt so sad about this occurrence. Those notes were another token of the memories I've had with E, something I've had since we brought him home from the hospital. I've lost what I wrote about him on the day he first crawled or said mama. And of course I can rewrite those things, but it still feels like a loss.
Another aspect of this is that the loss comes at a time when I am very aware that Emmitt is nearing his first birthday. I have been so excited about him getting bigger and learning new things, yet his first birthday has still seemed way in the future. Ever since he turned 10 months old though, the realization that his birthday is two short months away has affected me in a way I had not expected. On a few occasions, I've thought of it and for a brief moment, I feel like I can't breathe, I get a knot in my throat and stomach, and my eyes get heavy. Maybe this is what people who freak out about a milestone birthday experience. I'll let you know later in the year if it happens to me as I approach 30. My baby boy is growing into a big boy, and that is good and as it should be, and I praise God for it everyday, but it is bittersweet nonetheless.
I started with something about Xander and I'll finish the same way. Xander is quite a kid and he holds a special place in my heart because he made me an aunt. I'll tell you more about him someday, but for now I'm just going to share two treats he gave me on Sunday and that have made me smile several times since. First you should know that Emmitt is the #1 fan of both JD and Xander. They can do no wrong and always make E smile and laugh! Oh how it warms my heart. Xander acolyted at church and when he went to get the torch for the reading of the Gospel, he found himself directly in front of us on the front pew, where Alice was holding E. Xander started enthusiastically waving and smiling at E right there in front of the whole congregation. E was very impressed! Next, during communion the acolytes were standing around the alter and Jaron nudged me to point out Xander playing air guitar during this important time of the service. Guitar Hero is one of Xander's favorite games right now and he sure can rock it! I love that kid so much.