A Moon, A Haiku, A Fresh Start

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

I think I've mentioned that sometimes we drive to help relax everyone, mostly the kids.  If nothing else is calming Cora, a car ride will often do the trick.  However, this trick seems to be wearing off, as the last few times we've loaded up in the car for an evening ride, Cora has cried and yelled (no really, she yells), and Emmitt somehow falls asleep, and me and Jaron's heads explode.  So last night, after a nice little dinner, and baths and jammies for the kiddos, we thought a drive would be fun.  We were wrong.  Cora disagreed.

Cora was in a rage about the car ride.  And it was making me feel sick to my stomach.  As we turned east on the highway, heading back to our house, I saw it.  Was it really the moon?  Surely not, it couldn't be.  And as I was realizing that it was indeed the moon, Jaron nudged me and pointed to it.  He knows my affection for a lovely moon.  And this one.  Oh this one.  I've never seen one more glorious.  It appeared enormous, as it moved out from behind buildings.  It was the most beautiful color, red and orange dancing together.  Almost instantly it eased the anxiety within me, caused by a screaming child in the backseat.  All became steady and still.  I wanted to ask Jaron a million scientific questions, but didn't dare upset Cora more with my voice.  So instead I stayed quiet, took it in.  And prayed.  A prayer of thanks and praise for such wonder, for new understanding.  And then, Cora's cries softened, slowed, and she fell asleep.

Oh my God, that moon
What's a blood moon, I wonder
Right now, it's Heaven

I've had this weird thing happen recently where I decided that I want to write more, because it makes me feel a lot of things, but overall, more alive.  And this simple, seemingly small self-discovery made me excited, inspired, and hopeful.  It also made me go blank in any of my efforts to write.  So this is writer's block, I kept thinking.  I've felt paralyzed, I guess with fear.  Maybe admitting to myself that writing is really important to me put more pressure on it?  Yes, I think that's certainly true.  But also, I've gotten so behind in things I wanted to write about that my obsessive-compulsive tendencies have held me back, caused me to not know where to start.

I've wanted to write about our Winter weekends.  How they sustained me through the long, cold weekdays.  How they restored me with lots of time with my people, in our home and throughout our city.  I've wanted to share pictures.  Pictures of our adventures with friends and family and our adventures of lazy nothingness.  Pictures of our kids growing and changing and interacting together more and more.  And there was this great need to get it all perfect.  To tell it all or nothing in just the way I needed to remember and record it.  Well, that has overwhelmed me and kept me from writing much of anything at all.

But here I am, writing.  And it feels good to be writing.

I don't often pray with a haiku.  Okay, never.  But I'm telling you, that moon.  That moon was something special.  Thank you, God, for that moon.

Since I don't have an amazing shot of that moon, this feels like a good photo as this was right at the end of Winter/beginning of Spring.  We can start fresh from here...

2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Oh good, I'm glad. That's what I feel about pretty much everything you write :)

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