Back When It Was Spring

Saturday, July 19, 2014


Last Fall, I wrote about the changing leaves on the trees and how they felt appropriate for the stage of life our little family of four was navigating.  After my Aunt Jill suggested it, I decided to get some pictures of us standing next to the tree in the very front of our yard for each season and briefly reflect on those months.  You can read about Fall here and Winter here.  I finally remembered to get some pictures toward the very end of Spring and just hadn't gotten around to writing about it.  Mostly because I'm still working through the parts of Spring that stood out to me.  But I can't keep putting it off.  It seems the best way I learn these days is to write it out.  I think that's what is so exhilarating and terrifying about writing.  But on to Spring...

Just as Fall acted as the perfect backdrop to our changing lives, it seemed Spring also mimicked me.  I felt things happening... growing, stirring, moving within.  A new life.  No, not a baby.  I'm not pregnant.  But a different kind of new life.  The kind where all of the sudden you are sure of something about yourself that you didn't really know before and you weren't even really asking about.  It becomes very clear, which is so exciting.  For a minute.  And then it's largely anxiety-producing, because while you can't wait to head out on this new adventure, this new life, you are fairly certain that you have no idea what any of the logistics or travel instructions are.  Have I lost you?

I read two books during Lent (I will write more about this another time) that turned out to be really good for me, as a Christian and a human and just a Grace.  They included information I was aware of but needed to hear in a new way, and then brand new information all together.  Looking back, those books feel like a catalyst to the stirring within, although I believe there are many things that have led me to this point.  I'm still trying to figure it all out.  I'm sure I will be for quite some time.  But I'm trying not to stand still.  I'm trying to move forward even when it's dark and I'm having trouble finding the path, bumping into this and that.  I'm trying to keep walking, until I see some twinkling lights just ahead.  They will keep me going as I learn my way.  And you, my friends.  You always keep me going.

For now, here's what I know:

I want to be a writer.

I want to write about things that matter.  

I want to serve the vulnerable and oppressed.  

I want to enjoy my family and friends, and live in gratitude.

I want to have some fun in all of this, along the way.

As you may notice, E isn't in this set of pictures.  He didn't feel like coming out that day and I certainly want to respect those wishes.  I don't want taking pictures to become a negative thing for him.  But I do miss having his rascally self above.  

2 comments:

  1. It takes so much courage to just be yourself to others. It takes so much discipline and love to even ask God what is stirring. It's an entire 'nother level of badassness to write your Grace out loud and pull the "Full Monty" living. And we will be better for it!

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    Replies
    1. Jenny, thank you so much for these beautiful words. I must admit, I was feeling pretty exposed after writing this. I've been so thankful and appreciative of the kindness and support I've received. Thank you, friend.

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