A Little Off (Some Thoughts on Summer)

Saturday, October 4, 2014

This summer was really good.  Good family time, good friend time, some travel, some parties, some growing kids whom I adore.  There is so much good that I could write on from this summer.  There are so many pictures that tell those stories well.  It is marked as a good summer in my mind.  I will remember it as such.

And yet, a phrase kept going through my head all through the long summer days.  Over and over.  I just feel a little off.  I didn't feel depressed or any more anxious than I've been in the past.  Just off.  It's been harder for me to make it to playdates, bible studies, errands, and other extra stuff that I'm not required to be at.

Here's the thing.  My arthritis has been a bit of a beast the last several months.  I'm usually hesitant to talk about it in any real, serious manner with people.  I'm quick to brush it off, because I know for the most part, my arthritis (and Lupus) has been well managed and it could always be worse, so there's no point in worrying too much about it.  But this summer, it has not been well managed.  I've been fatigued, uncomfortable, and daily tasks have become pretty difficult on many days.

I've been slow to write about this though.  I don't want to come across as complain-y (oh, that's not a word?).  I don't want to sound like I need pity.  And I don't have any wise, tie-it-neatly-with-a-bow-because-it's-over advice.  The truth is I feel so incredibly grateful for this life I have.  It is full and I am blessed with gobs of beauty around me.  And the truth is also that my arthritis is bumming me out.  And I don't want to always feel off.

So at the risk of being complain-y, I'm letting you in on this annoying arthritis business.  Because as you may have noticed, I haven't written much lately and I think partly I'm having trouble moving past this.  It's been a big part of my life lately, and it feels a little dishonest to just skip over it.  I don't plan on dwelling on it in this space (I'm gonna save that for Jaron and my parents, the lucky dogs ;)), but I may find that the blog is a helpful resource for processing the slow, sometimes painful and off-feeling times.

I must end with emphasizing the good in my life.  Gosh, it's an embarrassing amount of good.  All the love, support, beauty, and realness keep me hopeful and strong, even when my body is weak.

And hey, here are some pictures with our tree.  You know the one.  We've made it through all four seasons.  Way to go, us!  If you need a refresher, check out the others: Fall, Winter, Spring.  And now we can jump right back into Fall, where it all began.


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