On A Wednesday Night

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Jaron said he was heading to bed, but I wasn't ready.  I thought I might watch another quick episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, but found myself curling up on the couch instead.  Just laying in the dark, calm TV room.  I really was tired, but my mind was racing (always racing) and I knew if I tried to get in bed, I'd never get to sleep.  I could tell the wind was picking up.  Our TV room used to be a porch and some of the previous owners enclosed it.  More than half of it is covered with windows.  I discovered that night that it is the perfect spot for enjoying a good thunderstorm.  Swoosh, swoosh.  More wind.  Leaves, branches grazing the windows.  The glass rattled a bit.  The fan hummed above.

I rested in the dark, with only the flickering of the candle against the black walls and the flickering of lightning against the black night to give glimpses of texture and beauty in that space.

It was peaceful, still.  Yes, somehow still, despite the storm.  The lightning and thunder, rain and wind sang and danced together outside, but there on the couch felt still.  And this came to mind:  "Be still, and know that I am God."  I realized I'm not still enough.  Not quiet and by myself enough.  And I begged myself to remember this moment and how I felt, to make time to be still and quiet more.  More.

I have trouble settling down at night.  I guess I've developed bad habits over the last few years with kids and their wacky night schedules, but now that they're finally going to sleep at a pretty normal time, my body hasn't quite caught up.  Maybe the answer for finding some real rest, physical and emotional, lies in that stillness that I discovered late on a Wednesday night in the front corner of my house, after all my people were already tucked in bed and sound asleep.  So I'll ask myself again, with great insistence to please keep working for a little corner here and there to rest and pray, to listen and be still.

^^On our walk the other night^^

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