Back to the Basics

Friday, September 4, 2015

^^Clearly, we were all on the same page for this picture.  Just perfect.^^

The worry I felt as a parent last week nearly crushed me.  It wasn't anything huge, but there were a couple of things that felt really heavy.  I often wonder how I'll ever make it through this parenting gig.  It wasn't just worry either.  It was this maddening sense of loneliness for feeling entirely too sensitive.  I desperately needed to tell a girlfriend about how I felt, about what had happened and why it made me ache for my kids, and yet I kept thinking I should save it for something more important.  I also worried that if I did share my fears, and it wasn't received well or was dismissed, it would crush me even more when I was already feeling fragile.  I didn't want to put that risk or responsibility on anyone I loved.  (I was being silly of course, because I have the best people and they all would have received my information with great care, but you know how our brains can be real jerks sometimes.)

I wanted someone to blame, but I knew it wouldn't really make me feel better.  I like peace and order; when you're good, I'm good.  After days of anxiety, some tears, and that lonely tug, here's what finally helped me relax on yet another restless, sleepless night.  For some reason, probably by the grace of God, one of my favorite quotes that my Dad had shared with me long ago (and that I included in a post a few years back), popped into my head.

The world is so beautiful, how can we not be grateful?
The world is so difficult, how can we not be kind?

This is one of my life's mantras, but I still sometimes forget it.  Deciding to be grateful and kind.  Remembering this quote and knowing this truly was the only way through for me... back to the basics.  Now, I don't mean this in a dumbed down, cheesy after school special sort of way.  And I don't mean it like it's an easy fix or that it's the quick answer when facing serious tragedy or even serious anxiety.  I certainly don't think that.  Rather, that for the day to day worries, this is a good way of giving myself permission and acknowledgement that yes, life is hard, and yes, life is magnificent.  My kids will most assuredly struggle.  That is guaranteed for everyone, so kindness, kindness, kindness all around!  How will we get by without it?  And my kids will also celebrate and rejoice, so Praise the Lord!  (Or PTL as some of my old Social Work gals used to say.  Aww, miss my SoWo gals.)

I will always worry, because it's my thing.  Sorta would've liked to have an awesome thing like mind-reading or best at eating pizza and mashed potatoes (actually I might have that second one), but alas worrying is what I got.  And while it's a pain in the ass, it also keeps me aware of my kids' feelings (and maybe my feelings and your feelings too from time to time), and I'd like to think that ends up being a good thing.  I'm a big fan of a team, I like being part of one.  My basketball days were oh so dear to me.  So let's be a team, and all use kindness and gratitude to combat our everyday worries, to be glad in our victories, and for goodness' sake let's use our people.  We must use our people.  So grateful for mine.  And so grateful for each of you that meet me here.  You have no idea how much this team means to me.  

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